My name is Drea. I’m 44, and I’m on a healing journey that is bringing up a lot of suppressed pain and trauma. I’m the daughter of an abusive mother who is a drug addict, alcoholic and prostitute. She was careless with people she let into her (my) life and home. Her boyfriend molested me from the time I was 6, and raped me at 9. After finally finding the courage to tell my “mother” she made it my fault, and instead of protecting me, she sided with him and would often leave me alone with him.
My father abandoned me at a young age, and I had troubled relationships as a teen. When I was 15 I was with a person that manipulated me, controlled me, and hit me. At 16, I was with someone that hit me and sexually assaulted me. It took me a long time to break away from his abuse. At 18, I thought I was in love. Turned out to be another man that emotionally and mentally manipulated and abused me, destroying my self-esteem. When I became pregnant with his child, he disappeared. He told me that it wasn’t his because I was a slut.
The final straw of “dating” for me was when I was with this man that literally stalked me, tried to kidnap me, and sexually assaulted me. It took a lot of work and police help to get him away from me. He would show up wherever I was, lie to people about me so they’d reject and leave me, making it easier for him to “get” to me. He kidnapped my son and threatened his life if I didn’t “love” him and come back to him.
He died over 10 years ago, and I can sometimes feel his spirit still watching me.
Just five years ago a friend who was obsessed with me since HS stalked me too. He would just pop up wherever I was and harass me. At one event he went to get drinks for me and a friend. He drugged us both! We had been friends and I loved him so I trusted him and always tried to see the good in him.
I guess my problem has always been trusting the wrong people and letting them get too close. Fortunately I’m still alive. I’ve had close calls, and I’m very sorry for your loss.
That’s why I am no longer on social media. The last man, who drugged me, was still stalking me. Sometimes I wonder if he’ll just show up when I am in public. What’s scary is thinking you know a person, and you care about each other, and then they are so careless with your life.
As a woman, a mother of two daughters, and a wife, I think it’s important for me to help an organization like yours to help young women realize that this is not their fault, being a loving person is not their fault, being a kind giving person is not their fault, being taken advantage of is not their fault. There are just some people who have it in their mind to do harm. But you should trust your intuition and keep yourself safe.
– Drea from MN
L>h asked: “It always adds to someone’s story if there is a face attached. But of course job one is to protect your safety. Do you think you would like to give us a picture of you to post with your story, or should we not do that?”
Drea: “I’m okay with that. Can’t hide, sometimes telling your story is winning the battle…”
PS Drea knows her situation. Yours might be different. Safety first, always.
