Dear friends,

Over lunch with an old friend recently, sharing stories, we realized that of the five girls/women in each of our two families, all five had experienced violence. Two were stalked, three were raped. One death threat; two restraining orders. And, of course, one of our girls, my Jessie, was murdered.

Five out of five.

None of our girls led high risk lives. Not one did anything wrong to invite violence. All five were pretty.

Jess tried to tell me about male on female violence. I listened, but I didn’t understand. This newsletter exists so that you, me, and everyone will one day come to understand. The LOVE>hate Project, Jessie’s legacy, exists because it’s too late for Jessie, but it’s not too late for your girls.

Occasionally I hear things like this: “You can’t change human nature. Boys will be boys. We’ll never end violence against women. Leopards don’t change their spots.” I understand that thinking, because I’ve had those thoughts too. But consider a few facts. According to the U.S. Dept. of Justice, since the Violence Against Women Act of 1994, domestic violence has decreased per capita by over 50%, and sexual assault by 64%. In two short decades since new legislation we’ve knocked DV down by over half and SA by nearly two thirds! Nomore.org. Its on us.org. The Me Too movement on Facebook. Time’s Up. The Golden Globes. Oprah’s speech. Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. We are seeing culture change in process. It began with the domestic violence movement of the 1970s, and we are nearing a tipping point.

Ray Rice. Bill Cosby. Harvey Weinstein. The 2016 election on both sides. Roy Moore. Al Franken. And on and on. Have you noticed the progression? Have you noticed that more and more victim/survivors are “coming out”, finding their voice, finding their power? This is how culture change happens. The end of slavery in the U.S. The end of Apartheid in South Africa. The suffragette movement and women’s right to vote. Dictatorships to democracies across the world. Change is not impossible. It happens all the time. Violence against women is changing right before our eyes. But social justice is a long hard road, and this one will be the hardest ever.

The question is not “can we change culture and end violence against women?” It is already happening. The question is when. When will we finish the job? Can we add gas to the fire? And will you help? Will you speed up culture change, or slow it down with indifference, silence and inaction? And how many more Jessie’s will we lose before we get this done?

I hope you consider our quarterly newsletter your occasional reminder that this issue is still here, you care, and there are real girls and women, and boys too, out there who are hoping desperately for change. I hope you use it to learn, and to remain aware of and committed to the end of violence. The day when “boys will be boys” must end, replaced by “boys will be men.”

From Jessie, thank you for helping.