Today in the Forgiveness Class (names are fake, stories are real) …

At the Adult Rehab Center in Milwaukee, before class, Kaleb tells us all, “sorry guys, I’ve been a little angry today.” This is the same Kaleb who wouldn’t talk to us or look at us for the first three weeks, and who when he finally did talk said, “I will NEVER forgive her. I don’t believe in forgiveness.” Now he’s acknowledging his anger, apologizing for it, and laughing and joking when the guys tease him about it and say things like “yeah, we noticed.” He shared more than anyone else today. When we go around the circle and ask, “how has forgiveness changed you?”, Kaleb says, “I’m free. I have compassion for people now. I’m happier. I understand people’s suffering and I want to help them.” Not words they’re used to hearing in rehab.

At Racine Correctional, we go around the circle and each guy shares his homework, “Your Recipe for Forgiveness” (What are the ingredients? What are the instructions?) We get to Tommy. Tommy says “sorry guys, I didn’t do it,” expecting us to just move on and let him slide.
Me: “why not?”
Tommy: “uh, well, uh, I don’t know, I just couldn’t.”
Me: “OK, can you do it for next week?”
Tommy: “I don’t think so, I’m stuck.”
Tommy hasn’t done much yet in class. He keeps saying things like “I can’t” and “I tried” and “I’m struggling”, etc.
Next thing I know, all the guys are holding Tommy accountable but in a very loving gentle way. Hard to put into words, and not what you’d expect in prison, but there was this commitment present from the whole group that Tommy break through whatever was stopping him in this class.
Me: “Tommy, can you feel these guys wanting you to win?”
Now I see a tear running down his cheek; first emotions we’ve seen from him.
Tommy: “yeah. That doesn’t happen here.”
Me: “It’s happening right now.”
Tommy: sobbing, “I know.”
Tommy spoke up more in the next hour than he has in the last three months.

Adult Rehab Center again:
“How has forgiveness changed you?”
Fred: “I went to the doctor last week. He took me off my blood pressure meds. My blood pressure is normal now.”
It’s one thing to hear that the Mayo Clinic says forgiveness is healthy and good for us. It’s another thing to go to your doctor and find out you don’t need meds anymore.