Today would have been Jessie’s 25th birthday.

If you read the post from her 20th birthday (below), and the comment chain, it’s easy to see the profound impact she had on so many hearts and minds. When someone dies so young and in such a shocking way, and when the death inspires an ongoing mission, and such an outpouring of memories and love, it’s easy to see how deeply their life and death has touched others.

Jessie’s killer Dan also had impact, but of a different kind of course. His choice and actions against Jess on July 15th, 2013 caused tremendous pain, anger, and suffering for many hundreds of people.

But for most of us, we are often unaware of the profound impact our life has on others. We are often blind to the effects that our choices, words, and actions cause in those around us. And even if we see the splash when the rock hits the pond, we rarely follow the ripples that carry our energy in every direction and pass through every living thing all the way to the shoreline.

I’m blessed with an incredible coach who helps me see and understand the impact I’m having on people around me. Some of those impacts I’m having are intentional, some are unintentional, some are good, some are not so good. We should all have someone in our lives to help us see and understand the impacts we are having, both good and bad. Someone who can follow our ripples all the way to the shoreline and help us see them too.

I believe all of us are precious and sacred, and more connected than we imagine. I also believe that every one of us has both helpful and harmful effects on others. I’m under no illusions that Jessie was perfect and never said or did things that hurt people. She did. Me too. You too. Furthermore, Dan had many positive contributions to many people before that fateful day, and likely afterwards too.

None of us gets through this life without doing some damage, by accident or on purpose, because we all make mistakes, and no one is perfect. So, let’s stop self-judging and defending, cut ourselves a break, and lighten up about it. We can’t transform into something more useful and beautiful without learning from our flaws, and we can’t learn from our flaws if we can’t see or admit them.

And none of us goes through life without meaning something to someone. Everyone has helped someone, everyone is important to someone, everyone is loved by someone, even if you don’t feel that way. Your son idolizes you, your friend counts on you, your mom would be lost without you, your dog thinks you walk on water, and your cat …. well, never mind, bad example.

Something happened to me when Jessie was killed. Death has a way of changing Life. Suddenly every person, every word, and every second became invaluable. She taught me so many lessons, before and after her murder. Here’s one: everything in life can be a lesson, if we are awake. Every person and every problem carry both a message and a gift for us, if our hearts are open. Every word and every moment is a blessing in some way, if we are paying attention.

I hope you revisit this post from five years ago (below), along with the comments. I hope you let it talk to you. Let Jessie’s life and death whisper to you and help you see your impacts, both good and bad. Forgive yourself and others if needed. Cherish yourself and others more. Then, maybe as a 25th birthday present to Jessie, let’s move forward, clearer about the effects we are having, determined to have those effects be in service of the Light and not the Darkness.

Sincerely,
Buck Blodgett, Executive Director