Earlier this month at Dodge Correctional, there were 40 inmates and a few staff in a plain square room. The faith-based program we’re presenting ends. Buck, our Executive Director and Founder, asks, “OK, let’s talk, who’s first?”
Let’s call him Paul. “I’m 31”, Paul says. “I’ve been betrayed and hurt by people who were supposed to love me. I’ve never amounted to anything, never accomplished anything in life. Someone is now sponsoring me to get my online degree in ministry. I’m starting to think God’s giving me hope, and I’ve got a story He wants me to tell others to give them hope too, but the self-doubts are so strong, so big, they keep killing my dream. How do you deal with the doubt?”
Buck asks the guys, “anyone else ever been hurt or betrayed?” All hands go up. “By someone you loved?” All hands up again. “Anyone else here who thinks you haven’t amounted to anything, haven’t measured up, haven’t accomplished what you should have by now?” Most hands up again. “Anyone ever feel some hope, only to have it squashed by doubt?” All hands up again.
An inmate says to Paul, “dude, your story is just beginning, you don’t know how it ends yet.” Someone else says, “it’s every movie, you get hammered by life, but against all odds you overcome.” Buck asks Paul if he will take a hug. He looks at Buck like a coyote in a snare. All the guys start clapping and cheering for him. He leans in reluctantly, then starts to heave a little and squeezes the air out of Buck.
Good start to the discussion.
“Who’s next?”
A solemn older guy sitting near the back with arms crossed and frown lines permanently etched in his face says, “My son was killed in 2010. WHY should I forgive?” At our faith-based series events, Buck’s go-to answer to that question is usually very different from non-faith-based events. In the particular faith they’re discussing, the answer is simple, forgiveness is the cornerstone, the heart and soul, the center, the whole point of the faith. So, Buck asks if he is a believer. He surprises him and says no. Buck says, “yet you are here at a faith-based event. Why did you sign up?” He says, “I didn’t sign up, I’m not supposed to be here.” Buck is like “what, how did you get here?” He goes, “I’m not sure.” Buck says, “wait … what? … you aren’t a believer? You didn’t sign up? You’re not supposed to be here and you’re not sure how you got here? And here you are sharing with all of us that your son was killed and you are wrestling with forgiveness?”
The guys all start laughing in a loving amazed kind of way. The solemn man with the lines in his face uncrosses his arms, relaxes, and smiles for the first time.
We’re not sure what that all means; We’ll leave that to you. Just wanted to give our supporters another glimpse into a day in the life of L>h.
Jessie-girl, many in our state prisons know your name, know your story, and know your mission. Old inmates with crossed arms and lines in their faces are wrestling with forgiveness. Young inmates are re-opening their hearts after betrayal and pursuing hope. Maybe all of this will end in less violence and more peace in the world and make your life and death count for something beautiful. We’ll see, my butterfly, we’ll see. For now, rest in Peace, and Hope, and Love.
